


one more short at forgiveness

by 1dhockeyau



Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 01:39:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6264511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1dhockeyau/pseuds/1dhockeyau
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is probably busy anyway.  Louis has been busy for the last 5 years, but now it’s a different kind of busy - a quieter kind, but maybe a more important kind.</p>
<p>or</p>
<p>Nick freaks out because Louis is going to be a dad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	one more short at forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, everything I write is about Louis being a dad. You don't have to read it. It's right there in the summary. Also, my timeline is off because I have a terrible memory, but it's as close as I can recall.
> 
> The title is from Sorry by Justin Bieber.

Nick picks up the phone again.

It’s the third time in as many hours, and every time he gets a millisecond from dialling the familiar number before he puts the phone back down. Louis is probably busy anyway. Louis has been busy for the last 5 years, but now it’s a different kind of busy - a quieter kind, but maybe a more important kind.

Nick hasn’t deleted Louis from his phone, even though it’s been months, and even though he’d promised himself he wouldn’t let this happen. He has so many things to say, but for someone who speaks for a living he’s having a hard time coming up with how to for the words.

_I’m sorry._ It doesn’t seem like it should be that difficult. 

Nick puts his phone down, and he ignores the look Pig seems to be giving him. It’s Saturday. He doesn’t work tomorrow, so if he drinks an entire bottle of wine alone, well. He can tell the radio he did something fun.

*

It’s July. Nick is in the middle of the craziest schedule that he’s ever had in his entire life, but he’s loving it. Between the radio and _The X Factor Auditions_ and taking the odd DJing gig now and then, he doesn’t have much personal time. Which is fine because his personal life is currently in America starting the North American leg of a stadium tour. 

If someone had told him six months ago he would have ended up snogging Louis Tomlinson once, he probably would have laughed in their face, let alone that Nick would be in a relationship with him. But that’s exactly what happened. One night he rolled into Harry’s LA home while on holiday, and at some point he and Louis started talking. It’s been a little here and there since with Louis being on tour, but they’ve managed to see each other a few times, and it’s working. It seems to be working.

It’s confusing and sort of amazing. 

Nick’s phone lights up, despite it being some ridiculous time in America. He’s not even sure exactly, but he’s just finished the show so it must be the middle of the night - which for Louis Tomlinson isn’t actually all that uncommon. 

Nick almost answers on the first ring but he thinks, no, that’s just sad, and instead he answers on the second. 

“If you’re drunk dialing me at 10:30 in the morning, you’re never going to hear the end of it, Tomlinson.” Nick’s voice is light and airy, despite himself. He won’t admit this to anyone, especially not Louis, but he’s pretty happy right now.

“Hey, Nick.” Louis sounds surprisingly serious for a middle of the night call. “There’s something - ah.” Someone says something in the background. It sounds like Liam. “Sorry, I had to duck out of the room.” 

“Is everything alright? Did someone else quit?” Nick tries to sound light, happy, but comes off a little more concerned than anything. “I always thought Niall had other things - “

“I have to tell you something. And, like, ordinarily I wouldn’t even dream of doing this over the phone but I’ve been sitting on it for a month or something? I didn’t want to tell you because we’re new and it’s like - but apparently the papers have it and it’s published in the morning, so I need to tell you.”

“What is it?” Nick immediately thinks it must be someone else. Which is fine, they haven’t made any promises, so he can’t be angry about that. 

“Do you remember Briana?” The name only sounds vaguely familiar, so Nick doesn’t respond. “She’s the girl I was seeing before, between you and El. Just briefly.” 

“Oh, yeah, I remember.” Nick doesn’t know what this girl could possibly have to do with anything. A sex tape? That doesn’t seem like Louis’ style, but then, they’ve only been on a handful of dates when you really get down to it - 

“She’s pregnant.” And that’s - well, that’s completely the opposite of what Nick had expected. “She’s - I’m going to be a father.”

“Are you sure?” It’s probably rude, but Nick can’t think of anything else to say. He’s stunned.

“Of course I’m sure, Nicholas.” He sounds pinched off. 

Nick doesn’t know what to say about this. It’s - well, wow. He’s dating someone who’s about to have a child. This is surreal. “Okay, I’m - I have to work. Judging and all that.” Nick isn’t really sure how to deal with this, to be honest. His boyfriend is having a baby.

Wow.

“I’ll talk to you later, Lou.” He hangs up, and he thinks Louis starts to say something but the phone clicks off before he can figure out what. Louis doesn’t call back.

*

Louis doesn’t call back a week later or two weeks later and Nick pretend it’s just because he’s busy and not because he’s waiting for Nick.

When Nick finally gets up the nerve to call, he’s still not sure what he wants to say. When he finally calls they make awkward small talk, and Louis says he doesn’t want to end whatever this is with Nick. Nick doesn’t want that either, so he says as much, but he ignores the voice inside his head telling him he’s not sure he’s ready for something like this.

Not that he has anything whatsoever to do with this. He knows what he feels is right; he should step aside and let Louis have his kid and maybe marry this girl or whatever lads like Louis do when they get a girl pregnant. Louis assures him that’s off the table.

Nick can’t shake this feeling that this is the beginning of the end.

*

By the time Nick sees Louis again, they’ve barely spoken in weeks. It’s a mix of Nick not knowing what to say and both of them being extremely busy. 

Louis has been back in London for a few days before he turns up on Nick’s door step, and Nick almost manages to forget everything that’s happened when he sees him. It’s easy to fall into bed and forget everything when Louis is involved.

It’s later, when they’re on the sofa watching television that either of them mentions the elephant in the room. Pig has her head in Louis’ lap and Louis is scratching behind her ear, his other hand rested on Nick’s thigh. 

“Briana’s coming to a couple of the shows here.” He’s quiet and cautious, something Nick was never used to from Louis until this happened.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” He sits up a little and looks down, away from Nick. Louis is great at eye contact - he’s good at challenges and being loud and bold. He’s not good at this. “This is a lot. I know it’s a lot. You don’t have to be involved or whatever. It’s not like we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together or anything. I mean, I like you.” 

“I like you, too.”

“Yeah, but you’re freaking out. I can tell you’re freaking out. I mean, we were going good and then I told you about this and now you barely even talk to me.”

“I bus-”

“Don’t, okay? Don’t insult my intelligence. You don’t like this, the baby thing.”

“It’s not that I don’t like it, Lou. You having a baby - it’s not something I considered, that’s all. Like you’re gonna be a dad.” He huffs out a breath. 

“Yeah, I am.” He pauses, and Nick sees the ghost of a smile. “And I’m happy about it, and I’m sorry if that’s a lot, but I want this. I’m gonna be involved. I’m going to - I think I’m going to move out there. After the baby is born. Or maybe right before, I don’t know.”

“Oh.” And, well. Nick thinks that’s probably the end of that. 

“I’m not - “

“Hey, no, it’s okay. You want to move to LA, and honestly, dating a popstar with a baby isn’t really - I mean you know that’s not where I saw this going, so lets just pull of the bandaid now, yeah. No sense in dragging it out.” He stands up. “It’s late.”

“Nick, that’s not - “

“No, it’s fine, Lou. You’ve got more important things to worry about now. You’re gonna be a great dad. I’ll see you around. You can just - “

Nick is getting good at leaving Louis alone, be it in his living room or holding a phone a million miles away.

*

Nick goes to see One Direction a few days later. He clings to Fiona, Kate, and Harry and tries not to watch Louis the whole night. Louis definitely doesn’t look at him when he passes by them backstage, and Nick thinks he probably deserves it.

*

One Direction’s last gig as a band, at least for the foreseeable future, is on the X Factor finale. Nick watches them cling to each other and at the end of the show he finds Louis and he hugs him tight because he misses him against his own better judgement, and he thinks if he’s never going to see Louis again he wants him to know that he wishes him well, so he tells him that. 

The _don’t go, let’s try again, i’m sorry_ gets caught in his throat, and then Louis is gone.

*

Nick finds out that Louis is a father from Nesta of all people. He wants to text him, to say congratulations, to ask when he can meet the little guy, but he knows that’s not his place anymore.

*

He drinks a whole bottle of wine alone on Saturday, and he wakes up on Sunday with a hangover and text from Louis.

_gonna be in london wed can i see you xxx_

And Nick gets a vivid flash of dialing Louis’ number half way through the bottle. He doesn’t get to hear Louis’ voice, chickens out before he answers, but Louis must have seen the missed call and decided to text him. 

He’d forgotten Louis was going to be at the Brits. He’s too hungover to deal with Louis Feelings, and he’s angry that Louis Feelings are still a thing anyway - it’s been months, hasn’t it, and since when did Nick dwell on an ex for this long?

It’s almost dark by the time he finally texts Louis back. 

_yes yeah come over xx_

Because Nick is weak and he’s sorry, and maybe he’ll get the chance to say it this time.


End file.
